Scaring Loki
by Yashahime
Summary: HeimuLoki Heimdall sends Loki into temper tantrums. Freyr gives Loki a headache. Loki sulks. Lots.


Scaring Loki  
By Lady Crysiana and Yasha-hime

Author's Notes: For those who don't know any Japanese beyond honorifics, greetings, and sibling terms, the following Japanese dialogue can be found in this fic:  
"Sou ka," "Sou da na"- "Is that so." Contentless phrases.  
"maso" - Japanese-shortened form of "masochistic."  
"Ecchi!" - "Pervert!"  
"Loki-sama hidoi!", "Heimdall wa hidoi!" - "Loki-sama, you're mean!" "Heimdall's mean!"  
  
Please forgive any errors in characterization, as this is a first attempt for both of us at MaLoRa ficdom. ...oh, yeah, it's sort of based on the anime, but slightly AU, and set after episode 12.   
- Y. 

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            The three Norns were seated around Heimdall's living room table, staring into a cup of tea and giggling.  Granted, in Verdandi's case and marginally in Urd's case, it was creepy semi-psychotic giggling, but it was giggling nonetheless.  And what the Norns were doing in Heimdall's living room instead of on their own veranda was entirely open to question.  
            Heimdall, who had been watching this procedure for the better part of an hour, finally walked over.  "What is so funny?"  
            Skuld looked up and smiled.  Being smiled upon by fate was, in the mortal world, something to be devoutly courted.  
            Gods, however, knew better.  
            Happily, Skuld's smile was more or less benign.  "We've been watching some of Loki-sama's past here on earth," she explained.  "We thought it might help us defeat him."  
            "And then we saw this," Verdandi broke in, poking her finger at the cup and giggling again.  
            "It's too bad we have to kill him," Urd sighed.  "I'm sure we could get Loki-sama to do almost **anything** with **this**."  
            Heimdall leaned over to look into the cup.  "This?"  
            Skuld giggled hysterically and tapped the edge of the teacup.  The scene replayed itself again--a scene of a Heimdall with a red jewel on his chest, attempting to feed Loki.  
            Heimdall sputtered incoherently as he watched the scene.  "That's...that's..."  
            He watched more closely as the scene replayed.  "...that's interesting."  He started to smile.  It wasn't a particularly nice smile, either.  
            The Norns blinked at each other.  One could, of course, easily tell the future, being a goddess of fate and all.  Reading minds, especially the minds of another god, was a much more difficult task.  
            Heimdall walked towards, the door, humming a cheerful tune.  "If you're here when Freyr gets back, tell Gullinbrusti that I'll be back within a week."  
            "...but..."  While it wasn't that difficult, telling the future did require both preparation and being in the general vicinity of the World-Tree, and in Verdandi's case, two calculators and a slide-rule.  Thus, the Norns exchanged a confused look and hastily vacated Midgard.

            Heimdall was humming again as he finished up making breakfast the next morning.  In Loki's kitchen.  
            "....." Yamino said as he entered said kitchen  
            "....." he repeated, when once didn't seem like quite enough.  "...a...ano..."  
            Heimdall sparkled at Yamino.  "Good morning, Yamino-kun!"  
            Yamino shivered in fear and bolted up to his father's room, where he tossed open the curtains and shook Loki-sama sharply.  
            "...nnn," Loki protested.  "...breakfast ready so soon?"  
            "Ah...eto...er...Loki-sama," Yamino gulped.  "Loki-sama, you really ought to come see this for yourself.  
            After six or eight minutes during which time Yamino's tone and words sought their way blindly through the fog of sleep into Loki's brain, Loki finally processed this unusual waking call and sat up, rubbing his eyes.  "Mmm?" he prompted.  
            "...it's...downstairs..." Yamino choked on his wibblies.  
            Loki obligingly slipped out of bed, stuffed his feet into his slippers (one was a brand-new pink bunny; the other was a mint green teddy bear.  Loki had been most put out when Fenrir had chewed up the other, necessitating the substitute of the pink bunny.  Loki occasionally resisted change violently), and ambled down to the dining room.  
            Heimdall had set the table with what looked like both new and beautiful settings, and was practically glowing when he saw Loki coming into the room.  "Ohayo, Loki-sama."  
            That woke Loki up as well as a dash of cold water in the face.  "...buh...wha...Heimdall...the heck?"  
            Heimdall bowed to Loki.  "I made you breakfast, Loki-sama."  
            Loki shuddered violently.  "...ah...I...I don't think I'm hungry," he said faintly.  
            Heimdall looked crestfallen and sniffled.  "My food isn't good enough for Loki-sama?"  
            "......" Loki replied as thoughts of poison flashed through his head.  Not all, or even most, of these thoughts had to do with what Heimdall had prepared.  Heimdall looked to be on the brink of tears and hid his face in his (pink) apron.  
            A sudden thought occurred to Loki, and he grasped it like a lifeline to avoid falling unnecessarily for that look.  "...er...Heimdall?  Did you happen to see, oh, say, Verdandi or Urd recently?"  
            Heimdall blinked at Loki over his apron.  "...un.  I saw the Norns yesterday.  They came to visit me."  It was, Heimdall thought, not unfair to say this.  Since it was very true.  
            "...oh, god, you poor, poor thing..." Loki muttered.  
            "Why, Loki-sama?" asked Heimdall blankly.  
            "....please," Loki said, wincing visibly.  "...don't call me 'sama'."  Under his breath, he added, "it just sounds **wrong,** coming from you."  Loki did not agree with mornings all that well, and thus forgot entirely about Heimdall's superb hearing.  
            Heimdall was instantly clinging onto Loki's arm, his eyes filled with tears again.  "Why would it sound wrong for me to call you Loki-sama, Loki-sama?"  
            "...geh..." Loki squeaked as a shudder started at his pastel-animal-shod feet and ran up his body to exit via the top of his hair.  
            Heimdall eyed Loki with concern.  "You must be cold, Loki-sama!  I'll go get your clothes!"  Heimdall was off up the stairs before anyone could stop him.  
            Loki seriously considered sitting down on the floor and crying.  He then seriously considered running screaming into the streets and hoping to be hit by a car.  The option that he spent the most time considering, however, was going ape-shit on the Norns.  
            He regretfully set that notion aside, however, as he doubted he'd be able to catch them, and they **did**, after all, live outside of Midgard.  
            Heimdall returned with Loki's clothes.  ...and proceeded to strip and dress Loki.  Loki screamed hysterically.  He couldn't help it.  Especially since he was sure that Heimdall would do something to his bear slipper.  
            Heimdall picked up Loki's sleep clothes and wandered back upstairs, only allowing himself a smirk of triumph when he was sure neither Fenrir nor Ecchan was around.  
            As he had already screamed if not run out into the streets, the badly-traumatized Loki sat down on the floor in the dining room and cried like a baby, while Yamino hovered anxiously and tried to comfort him.  
            Heimdall wished that he could, in fact, do something to the slipper, but that would blow his cover and his current actions were much more suited to upsetting Loki.  He headed back downstairs and put on a concerned look again.  "...Loki-sama?"  
            Loki cried harder.  
            Heimdall hesitated, then knelt next to Loki.  "...if Loki-sama wants me to call him something else..."  
            Loki considered throwing a full-fledged temper tantrum the likes of which hadn't been seen outside of Asgard.  Then he took a second look at Heimdall, considered the whimsy of fate, and couldn't bring himself to do it.  It would, of course, had been different if Heimdall was doing this on his own...  
            Heimdall was, surprisingly, eyeing Loki with genuine concern.  Not that it wasn't amusing to see Loki like this, but Loki was not one to cry.  Loki muttered a short but fervent vow to find out which one of the Norns had cast this spell on Heimdall and rip out her spleen.  Then he dried his eyes on his sleeve, got up, and resolutely sat at the place Heimdall had set for him.  
            "I don't think it's poisoned, Loki-sama," Yamino hissed in his ear.  
            Loki poked the meal with his chopsticks, swallowed thickly (the crying, and all), and began to eat reluctantly.  Reluctance faded gradually as he discovered that Heimdall was actually a decent cook.  
            "Do you like it, Loki...uh...Loki?" asked Heimdall, looking anxious.  
            "It's actually...kind of tasty," Loki said, sounding vaguely astonished.  
            Heimdall sparkled at Loki.  "I'm glad you like it.  I worked hard on it."  
            Loki was disturbed by the sparkling, and his answering smile was forced.  Heimdall did not outwardly seem to notice that the smile was forced.  Inwardly, he thought Unkind thoughts at the idea that Loki would **dare** criticize his cooking.  
            "A-Ano...Heimdall, I have some business to take care of today.  Why don't you stay here with Yamino-kun?"  
            "Eh....but, Loki-sama--!!" Yamino protested in a soft hiss.  
            Loki turned to smile at Yamino.  "I'm sure you could use a hand today," he said forcefully.  
            "...ha-ha-hai...Loki-sama..."  Yamino fought against bursting into tears, himself.  
            "...but...I want to stay with Loki," Heimdall protested weakly.  
            "I really...really...can't take you with me," Loki said firmly.  
            Heimdall looked vaugely sulky.  "I..."  
            "Loki-kuuuuuuuuun!  Yamino-kuuuuuuun!  Ohayooooooo!"  caroled Mayura as she burst in.  "...Higashiyama-kun?"  
            "Oh, good, Mayura, you can help Yamino-kun with the spring cleaning, too!" Loki chirped.  
            "...spring cleaning?" Yamino blinked.  He hadn't known he was doing spring cleaning today...  
            "...where will you be, Loki-kun?" asked Mayura.  
            "I have some business I have to take care of--and no, it's nothing mysterious, just boring," Loki added hastily.  
            Heimdall was eyeing Mayura with the deepest annoyance.  The word "rival" was practically imprinted on the air above her head.  He even had his normal, vaguely psychotic look.  
            Mayura did not notice this.  "There's **always** a mysterious mystery around Loki-kun!"  
            Yamino gulped and took several steps away from Heimdall.  
            "No.  No, there is not," Loki repeated firmly.  "I am going, if you **must** know, to the bank, where I will undoubtedly waste most of the day gradually working my way through clerks and middle management until I can see the president of the company to explain, yet again, that I do not in fact need to sign over power of attorney of my accounts."  
            Heimdall shifted slightly towards Mayura.  Somehow, this was an extremely aggressive and unfriendly act.  Heimdall did not, however, notice that he really did consider Mayura a rival.  
            "...H--Kazumi-kun," Loki said in a tone that was, amazingly, both mild and sharp at the same time.  "You're really too young to molest Mayura, you know."  
            Heimdall's attention shifted back to Loki.  With a visible effort.  "Hai, Loki-sama."  His sulky tone indicated that the only reason Mayura did not have a hawk's talons raking at her face was because Loki seemed to like her.  
            Loki paused a moment, wondering if it would really be safe to leave.  Of course, he'd be unable to support his youngest son's mail-order habit if he didn't take care of things at the bank.  Again.  So there was really no choice.  "Yamino-kun will get you both started on the cleaning, I'm sure.  Please, just stay out of my study and the basement."  
            Mayura blinked.  "Bei-su-me-n-to?"  
            "Ja," Loki said rather firmly, refusing to allow himself to be sucked into anymore conversation.  The bank, after all, awaited.  
            "Mayura-san, maybe you could, um, help me clean the third floor?" Yamino suggested desperately.  "While Hei...Kazumi-san works on the second floor a bit?"  
            There were stars in Mayura's eyes.  "I've never been into a basement before!"  
            Heimdall eyed her once more, then headed off into the kitchen.  
            "Of course you must have, Mayura-san," Yamino despaired.  "It's just like an attic, only under the house instead of on top of it..."  
            Mayura turned to Yamino, triumphant now.  "You're trying to hide something in the basement, Yamino-kun!  It's a **mystery**."  
            Heimdall stuck his head out of the kitchen.  "It's not a mystery, it's a dusty room filled with the broken mail order things that Yamino-kun buys, now shut up and go upstairs so that Loki-sama can come back to a clean house."  
            Yamino found himself in the odd position of being grateful to his father's worst enemy.  "Kazumi-kun is correct," he said apologetically to Mayura.  
            Mayura blinked after Heimdall for a moment.  "So Kazumi-kun has been in Loki-kun's basement?"  
            Yamino reflected it would be impolite to say, 'No, Kazumi-kun is just smarter than you.'  However much he sometimes wanted to say something like that to Mayura.  "No," he said.  "But he knows Loki-sama...and me...quite well."  
            Heimdall was leaning out the door of the kitchen again.  "Quite well.  Better than you ever will," he added.  Something about this human and the way she casually hung around Loki-sa...**Loki**, he firmly told himself, bothered him.  
            "...." said Mayura.  
            Yamino uncharitably wished Nii-san would come up and bite Heimdall in a sensitive spot.  "Please, Mayura-san, I could really use your help upstairs..."  
            Mayura nodded slowly and headed upstairs, dragging Yamino behind her.  "Yamino-kun," she said firmly when the reached the top of the stairs, "I need to ask you something."  
            "Yes, Mayura-san?"  
            "How long have Loki-kun and Kazumi-kun been dating?"  
            "...since this morning, apparently," Yamino sighed.  
            "...isn't Kazumi-kun a little immature for Loki-kun?"  
            Yamino clasped his hands behind his back virtuously and agreed with Mayura's statement, quite innocently adding that Loki-sama had always preferred older partners.  Mayura sniffed.  "I noticed the way he acted around the girls at the school fair.  They could get arrested for that!  Loki-kun is really insensitive sometimes."  
            "Do you have a crush on Loki-sama, Mayura-san?"  
            "Eeeeeeeeeh?!"  
            Yamino smiled.  "You seem so upset about Loki-sama's behavior, I just thought you might like him a little, yourself."  
            "He's ten, Yamino-kun.  Teeeeen."  Mayura crossed her arms and turned her back on Yamino.  "Besides, he's completely not my type.  He thinks so much of himself, and he flirts with girls, and he doesn't take mysteries seriously."  
            "So what kind of person is your type?" Yamino asked curiously.  It was probably a good way to keep Mayura's mind off of Heimdall, he told himself virtuously.  It wasn't really prying at all.  She didn't **have** to answer, after all.  
            Mayura turned around and sparkled mischievously at Yamino.  It didn't match Loki's level, but then, nothing did.  "Why do you want to know, Yamino-kun?"  
            Yamino rubbed the back of his head and sweat-dropped slightly.  Of course she took it the wrong way--!  "Oh, no reason," he said hastily.  "Only that you seem to hang around with Koutarou-kun and Freyr-san a lot, too..."  
            "Well, Koutarou-kun is riiiiich.  And Kaitou-san follows me."  
            Yamino wryly reflected that Mayura somehow managed to miss the fact that a house of this size, with yards of equal size, in the middle of Tokyo, bespoke enormous wealth, too.  "So you don't know what kind of person you might like?"  
            Mayura looked thoughtful.  "Well, he'd have to be a gentleman, and he doesn't have to be rich, but it would be nice, because someone has to care for the shrine when Papa dies, and it'll be hard to make enough money if I'm doing both that and detective work.  And he has to have a good sense of humor, and be good looking, and really care about people, and listen to me."  
            "I hope you find someone like that someday, Mayura-san," Yamino said sincerely, with a smile.  Mayura-san was nice--ditzy, maybe, but nice--and she deserved to find someone she could be happy with.  Maybe Loki-sama would consent to find someone for Mayura-san when he was able to return to Asgard.  
            Mayura looked around.  "Un...so where should we start cleaning?"  Mayura did her nearly-magical outfit change, somehow materializing a broom and a dustpan.  
            Yamino wondered again, as he did whenever Mayura did that, if Mayura was possibly something more than merely human.  As usual, however, he shook the thought off and lead the way down the hall.

            Freyr was walking down the street, wondering dismally where Heimdall was.  The apartment had been empty when he arrived home, without even a note indicating where Heimdall had gone.  He stopped short when he saw a familiar shock of red hair.  "Loki!"  
            Loki managed to get out of the bank by two in the afternoon, which he privately felt should be considered a miracle and he should be praised for it.  Convincing the bank president that greed for a supposed child's money was something that would bite him if he didn't knock it off (literally, if Loki brought Fenrir along sometime) got harder every time.  
            He was mentally patting himself on the back when he heard Freyr call his name.  He considered bolting, but Reiya was on a vacation to an onsen this week, so he could justifiably point out to Freyr he wasn't trying to do anything to Freya (this week) if Freyr decided to be difficult.  "Konnichi wa, Freyr," he greeted in a neutral tone.  He was proud of that accomplishment, too.  
            Freyr grabbed Loki's arm and began dragging him down the street without any explanation.  
            "Ah--F-Freyr!" Loki squawked.  "Hold on a minute!  Where are you taking me?"  Loki was, understandably, rather nervous about this snatch-and-grab thing, considering how many members of the Norse pantheon wanted him dead.  
            "We're going shopping," Freyr informed him.  "Heimdall is missing, so you can help."  
            "Why don't you shop by yourself, then?" Loki suggested.  Not that he struggled.  Helping Freyr shop was bound to be more comfortable than returning to a housewifely Heimdall.  Sadly.  
            Freyr stopped to look at Loki.  "Shopping," he informed Loki gravely, "Is not something that one does on one's own."  
            Loki sweat-dropped.  "...why not?" he dared to ask.  Asking Freyr questions wasn't usually wise, but Loki felt like tempting fate.  
            Or more precisely, like punching fate in the nose.  But fate was currently out of his reach.  Fortunately for their sakes.  
            Freyr sighed.  "There are intimate ties that bind everyone in this world together in fidelity and peace, and therefore to go out to retrieve necessary items or sustenance alone is an offense to all gods of fidelity.  By the same law, taking another person along on a thieving mission is wrong."  
            "I knew I shouldn't have asked," Loki sighed, rubbing his forehead.  Freyr's explanations gave him a headache.  Freyr's explanations gave **Odin** a headache.  
            They arrived at an outdoor fruit and vegetable market, and Freyr was, thankfully for Loki, more focused on buying the food than on Loki.  "Why do you need so many of those?" Loki questioned as Freyr piled eggplants into the shopping basket.  He knew for certain that Heimdall despised eggplant.  Personally, Loki had acquired a bit of a taste for it, since Yamino cooked it fairly often.  
            "Heimdall won't eat it when I'm out of the house.  And I can use them to power up Gullinbrusti," Freyr explained.  
            Loki felt sorry for the pig.  "...sou ka.  You don't happen to know where the Norns are, do you?"  
            Freyr shook his head.  "I haven't seen them at all recently.  Though one of the teacups that they use was in the apartment, so you could ask Heimdall if he's seen them, from a distance."  
            "Heimdall," Loki said in dire tones, "is at my house, helping Yamino with the cleaning."  
            Freyr looked at Loki in the concerned sort of way most often turned on Freyr himself.  "...what?"  
            "Heimdall arrived to cook me breakfast," Loki said in the same tones.  
            "Which one of the Norns...?"  
            "I had hoped you knew."  
            Freyr shook his head.  "...he cooked you breakfast and it wasn't poisoned?"  
            "It wasn't poisoned.  It was even surprisingly tasty."  
            "If he cooked you a normal meal, I'm not surprised.  I stole something he cooked for himself once..."  Freyr was back into his own little world, talking about Heimdall, cooking, and Heimdall cooking.  
            Loki found himself highly disturbed by the thought of Freyr and Heimdall together--though, he assured himself, the thought of Freyr--or Heimdall--with **anyone** was disturbing.  Freyr might actually **breed**.  
            "But usually he adds pepper, because, well, you know me and pepper," finished Freyr.  
            "...I always suspected Heimdall was maso," Loki said to himself.  
            "...no, no, I don't eat pepper because then he threatens to marry Yamato Nadeshiko."  
            "That is quite possibly the most disturbing mental image I have ever considered," Loki said with a shudder.  
            "He's too short for my beautiful Yamato Nadeshiko."  Freyr was off into the land of pastel sparklies.  
            "That's all?" Loki blinked.  "Too short?  You don't care that he's psychotic, violent, and controlling, not to mention a stalker?"  
            "He reminds me of Freya when she's angry," admitted Freyr.  "He's easy to live with."  
            "...well.  I can understand that, I suppose," Loki conceded.  "Still.  He's definitely **not** right for Mayura."  
            "Of course not," scoffed Freyr.  "That honor goes to me!"  
            Loki considered that.  It would, he thought, be a way to get Mayura out of his hair, before he went bald from pulling on it.  "You know," he said slowly.  "If you were just a little less violent, and a little more willing to believe I don't have designs on your sister, I might even be persuaded to help you out in your courtship."  
            Freyr smiled at Loki, but this time it had an edge to it.  "I won't let you have my sister in exchange for Yamato Nadeshiko, and besides, I can win her on my own, and I will!"  
            Loki twitched and decided to make it clear once and for all.  "I don't **want** your sister," he said firmly.  "Believe me, I wouldn't take your sister if Odin **ordered** me to."  
            "Deny it all you like.  I know the truth."  
            "If I wanted your sister, I've had **ample** opportunities to have her," Loki pointed out.  "And I haven't taken advantage of a single one."  
            "You're biding your time, for when I've become less watchful."  
            Loki wondered if he could get away with kicking Freyr in the groin in public.  Glancing around at the usual crowd of girls, he decided not.  "Freyr," he said in a steely voice, "Your sister is a vicious harpy, and her voice makes me cringe.  I would rather take my own life than sleep with her."  
            "You won't convince me with empty words, Loki," said Freyr coolly.  "Now, we should see if there's anything we can do for our poor comrade."  
            "I could always sleep with Mayura and see if that would convince you," Loki said sweetly, eyes flashing with anger at Freyr's stubborn idiocy!  
            Freyr eyed Loki with amusement.  "Does it even work?"  
            "That's a rather personal question," Loki sniffed.  "Though I needn't ask the same of you--how many Viagra samples did you try last week, with no effect?"  
            Freyr started counting on his fingers.  "Give me a moment..."  
            Loki waved a hand dismissively.  "I don't know why you keep chasing Mayura.  You wouldn't know what to do with her if you caught her, anyway."  
            "Treasure her above everything else," replied Freyr, as if it were obvious.  "She's precious."  
            "Tsk.  Freyr, for a fertility god, you have a sad lack of understanding about what women want."  
            "What do **you** think she wants?" asked Freyr.  
            "Mayura," Loki said with relish, "is a woman with strong passions.  She needs someone who can meet her passions and fulfill them."  
            "She **needs**," said Freyr, "Someone who will be there for her and support her.  Someone who won't disappear when he gets bored."  
            Loki gave Freyr a look of superior amusement.  "A woman like Mayura would never stay with a man who couldn't give her a good time, too."  
            "She would look for reliability first."  Freyr was twitching madly.  "**Not** someone who smiles and leaves a trail of broken hearts everywhere he goes because he thinks it's fun."  
            "No?  But Mayura likes having fun, too."  
            Freyr stopped to glare at Loki.  He was very obviously on the edge of using physical violence.  "If you do what you did to my sister to my Yamato Nadeshiko, I will not just kill you."  
            "Too late," Loki said truthfully--since he had done exactly nothing to Freya (except totally miss that she had a crush on him, which wasn't **that** great a sin, in his opinion), he could quite truthfully say he'd done exactly the same to Mayura.  Except for the crush part.  He hoped...as he prudently ran off as fast as he could go.

            Heimdall was waiting for Loki at the door.  Loki screeched to a halt, looked around to be sure Freyr wasn't still after him, and then remained a good eight feet away from Heimdall.  
            Heimdall beamed at Loki.  "Welcome back, Loki-sama."  
            "...tadaima," Loki said belatedly.  
            "That...Mayura...person tried to go into the basement," Heimdall informed Loki.  
            Loki shrugged.  "That sounds like Mayura," he said resignedly.  
            "We cleaned everywhere except your study and the basement," Heimdall went on.  "I refolded your clothes, because Yamino doesn't fold them correctly, and I went out and found another bear slipper to match your first one."  
            "What did you do with my bunny?" Loki demanded suspiciously.  
            "It's in your room, with its mate."  
            "...that's all right, then."  
            Heimdall blinked at Loki.  "I would never mistreat Loki-sama's things."  
            Loki murmured something about Fenrir saying the same thing and walked past Heimdall into the house.  Heimdall patted Loki's ass as he walked by.  "You have dirt, Loki-sama," he said, sounding perfectly serious and innocent.  
            Yamino walked down the stairs, Mayura a step or two behind him, just in time to see Loki's eyes bulge out of his face in an expression of shock, indignation, and vague horror.  
            Heimdall blinked.  "Loki-sama?"  
            "Loki-kun?" said Mayura questioningly.  
            Loki couldn't choke anything out at all for a long moment.  Finally, however, he managed to get his voice under control enough to choke out, "Ta...dai...ma..."  
            "Okaeri nasai," replied Mayura, smiling.  "How did your errand go?  Did anything mysterious happen?"  
            Loki recovered more of his composure as he recalled the fun of taunting Freyr.  "My errand went well, and I suppose you could call the workings of Freyr's mind mysterious."  
            "You met up with Kaitou-san?" asked Mayura.  She turned to Yamino.  "Kaitou-san's the kind of person I meant, but he was a thief..."  
            "He demanded I help him go shopping," Loki explained.  
            "Freyr-san is the kind of person you'd like to date?" Yamino blinked.  That hurt his brain.  That hurt his brain a **lot**, to be honest.  
            "Un!" said Mayura brightly.  "He's a gentleman, he has money," at which point Heimdall muttered something unrepeatable, "He's handsome, he cares for others, he has a good sense of humor, and he listens to me."  
            Loki made repeated choking noises.  
            "And he's not ten and interested in girls out of his league," added Mayura, pointedly, to Yamino.  
            Heimdall brightened at that.  Most of his mind carefully did not contemplate why.  
            Loki's choking turned to indignant sputtering.  "Out of **my** league??" he sputtered.  "There's no such thing!"  
            "If you're short enough that you can easily look up her skirt, she's out of your league," Mayura said firmly.  
            "I only looked up your skirt one!" Loki retorted sulkily.  
            Heimdall thought about this.  Then patted Loki on the ass again.  "Dirt," he said blandly to Mayura and Yamino.  
            Loki jumped and whirled to face Heimdall, covering his ass protectively with his hands.  "That was deliberate!" he accused.  
            Heimdall gave Loki a look of pure fake innocence.  "Of course it was, Loki-sama.  There was dirt on your coat."  
            "Should we leave them alone?" Mayura asked Yamino.  
            Yamino had inherited a bit of his father's sense of humor, which was only to be expected, of course.  "I think you're right, Mayura-san; we should go prepare them a big meal, to help them keep up their strength.  Growing boys, you know."  
            "Especially if they don't get much sleep at night," added Mayura.  She turned to Heimdall and Loki.  "But you're too young to be doing that, so don't."  
            Loki stared at Mayura and Yamino with a look of frank horror.  Mayura took Yamino's arm and pulled him towards the kitchen, beaming happily.  
            Yamino happily began discussing an evening menu with Mayura as they walked.  
            Heimdall looked at Loki expectantly.  Loki took several steps back.  There was a pause.  "Did you need anything, Loki-sama?"  
            "No, no, that's quite all right," Loki said with a forced smile.  
            "Did your day go well?" Heimdall asked.  
            "It went well enough," Loki allowed.  "Freyr is worried about you, by the way."  
            "Why?" asked Heimdall, honestly surprised.  "I'm with you."  
            "He didn't know that," Loki pointed out.  A spark of mischief gleamed in his eyes.  "Oh, I just remembered--Yamino-kun!"  Loki raised his voice.  "Yamino-kun, could you make that fried eggplant thing I like?"  
            "Hai, Loki-sama!" Yamino called back.  You could actually hear the sparklies, that was the frightening part.  
            Heimdall twitched.  
            "What, don't you like eggplant?" Loki asked, widening his eyes innocently.  "Freyr was buying so many, I could only assume you like them."  
            Heimdall smiled a bitter smile.  "He buys eggplant and I buy pepper.  We don't eat what the other cooks."  
            "Well," Loki said, clasping his hands behind his back (unaware that this pose made him look **really** girly), "it's only one dish, after all."  
            "Sou da na...I made you ice cream.  I hope you don't mind homemade."  
            Loki brightened for real.  "Ice cream?  What flavor?" he demanded.  
            "Mint Chocolate Chip.  I hope you like that..."  
            Loki's eyes lit up, and he clasped his hands together in front of him.  "Mint chocolate chip??" he squealed, stars in his eyes.  "That's my favorite!"  He immediately ran off into the kitchen.  
            "Loki-sama, you'll spoil your dinner!" Yamino scolded a moment later.  
            Heimdall followed Loki into the kitchen to survey the scene.  
            Loki had found, with Instant Godly Radar™, the cylindrical container of half-frozen homemade ice cream.  He'd managed to get it open and scoop at least one spoonful out before having to fight with Yamino for the spoon.  Heimdall walked over and wrapped his arms around Loki's waist.  "Now, Loki-sama, listen to Yamino-kun."  
            "I don't care about eggplant, I want ice cream!" Loki wailed.  
            Heimdall moved his hands lower, seemingly by accident.  "Loki-sama, really."  
            Mayura was leaning against the counter with the video camera that Yamino had just received from one of his many catalogues.  She was cheerfully taping the scene.  
            "And we'll call this, 'First Marital Fight!'" she chirped.  
            Loki shrieked when Heimdall's hands 'slipped,' and let go of the spoon.  Yamino squawked and stumbled back, the ice cream on the spoon being launched into the air to spatter all over Mayura and the camera lens.  
            Mayura wailed and nearly dropped the camera.  Heimdall yelped and fell back for no discernable reason, but took Loki with him.  
            This particular landing wound up grinding Loki's ass against Heimdall's crotch.  This disturbed Loki mightily, and he translocated instantly across the room to the kitchen door, once again clutching his own ass protectively.  "Ecchi!" he accused shrilly.  
            Heimdall stared at Loki with a blank look on his face.  This was so mostly because all of his energy was going into not laughing at the expression on Loki's face and being thankful that he was too young for anything to have happened.  He was **not**, he reminded himself, attracted to Loki.  This was just a game.  Finally, he sniffled and wailed, "Loki-sama hidoooooooi!"  
            Loki pointed a shaking finger at Heimdall.  "Heimdall wa hidoi!" he countered, and then fled the kitchen.  
            Heimdall sat on the kitchen floor, staring after Loki for a long, silent moment.  He did not realize that he was crying until Mayura walked over to him and hugged him.  Yamino, noticing that Mayura seemed to have things well in hand with Heimdall, chased after his father, suppressing a hint of his own reflexive fear--anything that could scare his father like that was usually something to worry about. 

            Mayura had had the dubious honor of propping Heimdall up in a chair while she saved dinner from burning.  As it was, it was edible at least.  Loki kept his eyes firmly on his plate while he ate, saying nothing about the taste.  Yamino hovered worriedly over his father during this process.  
            Heimdall poked at the food and ate a bite, and that only because he'd been mildly aware when Mayura was attempting to save dinner and knew the trouble she'd gone to.  
            Loki finally set his fork down, but said nothing.  
            Heimdall was staring down at his hands, which were folded on the table.  
            "A-Ano..." Yamino said, trying to think of some topic of discussion to introduce to the table.  
            "There was a mysterious mystery in the paper today!" chirped Mayura.  
            "Sou ka?" Yamino said eagerly, seizing on anything to break the silence.  
            "Un!  There's this cat that everyone's saying can talk."  
            "A cat?" Loki said dubiously, raising his head to eye Mayura.  
            "Yeah, and it has a crescent on it's head, they said."  
            "You've been watching too much shoujo anime again," Loki scoffed.  
            "No, really!" said Mayura.  "It could be like in those legends from Europe where the gods turn into animals like horses and things!"  
            Heimdall made a choked noise that wasn't quite laughter.  
            Loki sighed and rubbed his temples.  "Mayura, don't you have homework or something?"  
            "No, but Papa will be angry at you again if I stay too late," said Mayura, with a note of regret.  
            Loki smiled.  It was not a particularly nice smile, and it promised a near-future breaking of Mayura-papa's brain.  "Sou da na."  
            Mayura rose, hugged Heimdall, hugged Loki, hugged Yamino, and left.  
            Blink, went Heimdall.  
            Loki blinked.  "...what in the world...?"  
            "She said earlier," Heimdall contributed, "that anyone who could make each other cry as easily as we could needed hugs, and that Yamino-kun needed a hug for putting up with it."  
            "...strange girl," Loki commented.  
            "Yeah..."  
            Loki finally actually looked at Heimdall.  "I believe this may actually be the first time we've ever actually agreed on anything," he said.  
            "We agree that Freyr is a nutcase," Heimdall pointed out.  
            "That's not agreement, that's common knowledge," Loki retorted.  
            "So your not-ex-girlfriend being a psychotic bitch doesn't count either?"  
            "She's Freyr's sister.  It's easily extrapolated."  
            "Are you going to object to my sleeping with you tonight, and if so, can we get it over with?"  
            Loki somehow managed to slip, despite being seated, and landed face first in his own plate, arms outstretched.  "Whaaaaaaaaaat!?"  
            "I'm going to sleep in Loki-sama's bed," Heimdall explained.  
            "There are plenty of other rooms to choose from!" Loki protested, looking up with food bits all over his face.  
            Yamino, having expected this, picked up a napkin and politely wiped Loki's face clean for him.  
            "Of course there are," said Heimdall placidly.  
            "So choose one of those, if you're going to insist on worrying Freyr and staying here."  
            "I don't think I could sleep without knowing that Loki-sama is safe beside me."  
            Loki paused a moment to consider the irony of that statement coming out of Heimdall's mouth.  Heimdall took that silence to be acquiescence.  "I'm going to bed early, then.  Good night."  
            "...ah...buh...wait...aaaah!"  Loki flopped back in his seat.  "I give up."  
            Heimdall rose and headed off to bed.  This also included stealing a pair of Loki's pajamas.

            Loki regarded this sourly a couple of hours later when he finally decided to go to bed himself--mainly from the aspect that Heimdall had taken his last pair of clean pajamas.  Loki muttered dire threats in the vague direction of the Norns as he stripped down to his underwear (a sleeveless undershirt and a pair of boxers with "I 3 Me" all over them) and got into bed as far away from Heimdall as he could manage.  
            Heimdall woke up slightly and moved over to cuddle Loki.  Loki forced himself not to shudder and just made sure to keep his back to Heimdall.  This was not, he reminded himself, Heimdall's fault.  
            Heimdall nuzzled the back of Loki's neck.  
            "...geh..." Loki squeaked.  
            Heimdall, upon further consideration, kissed the back of Loki's neck.  
            "Heimdall, what are you **doing**??" Loki demanded shrilly.  
            "Kissing the back of your neck."  
            "**Why!?**"  
            "Because I want to."  
            "I don't want you to!" Loki protested.  
            "Why not?"  
            "It's wrong," Loki said helplessly.  Wasn't it?  
            "...since when have **you** had issues with doing other men?"  
            "Since I'm trapped in the body of a ten-year-old boy!" Loki snapped.  
            "I wasn't proposing to have sex," said Heimdall mildly.  "Since I don't think either of us are capable."  
            Loki tried very hard not to think of the implication that Heimdall would, in fact, be propositioning him if they were not children.  
            Tried, and failed.  Even the Norns couldn't force Heimdall to do **this** against his own will, Loki reflected.  
            Heimdall kissed Loki's neck again.  
            "Why are you doing this, Heimdall?" Loki asked softly.  "Truthfully?"  
            There was a long pause, then Heimdall pulled away from Loki and pulled his knees up to his chest.  "I thought it would make me happy to see you miserable.  It **is** funny, by the way, to see you off-balance, and your keeper will back me up on that, if not to your face.  But...I'm lonely.  And I'm unhappy.  And when it comes down to it, it's Odin's fault that any of us are here and that we've all gone through what we have, Freya's insanity excepted, and that wasn't really your fault to begin with.  I'm tired of living for your unhappiness.  I'm tired of being jealous of you because you're beautiful and wonderful and because even I can't help loving you.  I just...I watch you, and you've managed to be fairly **happy** with what you have here, even in unfair exile, and I look at myself, and I have nothing.  I want to be loved.  I want to be happy.  I want one of my major worries to be my bunny slippers.  I just...I'd like to be you, I'd like to be with you, I'd at least like to be around you.  Because I like you better than I like myself all the time, which isn't saying much, sometimes."  
            Loki got up and walked over to stare out the window.  "You wouldn't want to be me," he said after a long silence.  
            "Why?  Because you're lonelier than I am?"  
            "Your only task has been to guard," Loki said, folding his arms across his chest.  "Even if it's lonely.  You haven't been beaten on, laughed at, made fun of, whored out, and finally exiled for an unknown reason."  
            "That's true," said Heimdall softly.  "...I'm fairly sure I know the reason, though."  
            "You know more than I do, then," Loki said quietly.  
            "Odin's afraid of you," murmured Heimdall.  "He knows the legends.  ...I don't think it occurred to him that punishing you for no reason at all was more likely to start Ragnarok than to stop it.  But he's doing everything to protect himself, no matter what the cost to the rest of us."  
            "For someone who's reputedly all-wise, Odin can be an utter **idiot**," Loki pronounced bitterly.  
            Heimdall sighed.  "Well, if by some miracle, I get my place back, I'll let you in."  
            Loki turned away from the window and walked over to the bed, standing over Heimdall there.  Heimdall blinked at Loki.  
            Loki cupped Heimdall's right cheek in his left palm and ran his hand up under Heimdall's hair, caressing the scar there with his thumb, very gently.  "I'm sorry."  
            Heimdall sighed.  "It hurts."  He gave a bitter laugh.  "My right eye hurts.  I have no idea where it is, and I can't see out of it, but it can still hurt me."  
            Loki sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped his other arm around Heimdall's shoulders, drawing the Guardian to lean against him and rest his head on Loki's shoulder.  "I didn't want to take it.  I didn't understand--I still don't understand--why Odin wanted it.  But..."  Loki made a pained sound that was supposed to be a laugh.  "Odin told me I'd be exiled if I didn't obey, so I obeyed."  
            Heimdall slowly wrapped his arms around Loki.  "Odin went on for a good hour telling me how grateful I should be that I was getting this chance for revenge on the person who'd done me such a great wrong.  Even when...even when I wasn't sure whether I wanted to kill you or forgive you.  ...and now, of course, since I failed, I've 'taken my proper place in exile.'"  
            Loki let out a small huff of laughter abruptly.  
            "...do you know what the worst thing about you is?"  
            "Hm?" Loki said quizzically.  
            "You're charming.  You can charm anyone by just being you.  Even when you're an ass, with the exception of a very few people, it's impossible to stay mad at you."  
            "Sou ka?  Your dear father seems to disagree."  Loki sighed.  "And it never did me any good in Jotunheim, either."  
            "Your charm is why Odin doesn't trust you," said Heimdall dryly.  "And why the other giants don't trust you, for that matter."  
            "That wasn't my problem in Jotunheim," Loki protested.  
            "What was your problem there?"  
            "Giants," Loki said dryly, "never think to look down."  
            Heimdall unsuccessfully tried to turn a laugh into a cough.  
            "They also have a disgusting habit of tossing children they consider defective into the stew pot," Loki continued more seriously.  "At least in Asgard, I wasn't usually in danger of my life...until recently."  
            "Yes, well," said Heimdall dryly, "If it's any comfort, which it may not be, without me there, **all** of Asgard is in danger of their lives."  
            Loki's eyes flared violet for just a moment.  "Oh, it is," he said with malicious cheer.  
            Heimdall somehow managed to emote edging away without edging away.  
            Loki's arms tightened a bit.  "But then, you're safe here in Midgard, aren't you, Heimu-chan?" he said with more innocent cheer.  
            "As long as I don't get in the way of the Norns, yes," replied Heimdall.  
            "By the way," Loki recalled, "just what gave you the idea to play housewife?"  
            "The Norns **did** visit.  And they were watching some point in the past in their tea while sitting in my living room, which happened to be your facing something that looked like me but had a red jewel on its chest."  Heimdall paused.  "I don't know whether they intended this to happen, though I doubt it."  
            Loki twitched.  "I remember that time," he said darkly.  
            "I decided to see if I could make you twitch," said Heimdall absently, running his hands a little farther south than would be considered polite.  
            "Heimdall," Loki said with exaggerated patience.  "That's disturbing."  
            "I should be bothered that I have a ten-year-old body and still want to screw you into the mattress," said Heimdall matter-of-factly.  He did, however, move his hands.  
            Loki very carefully and very firmly moved Heimdall's hands away from any dangerous areas.  "I, personally, **am** bothered by it."  
            "And yet you still have fun making a practice of making all females within viewing distance of you melt, no matter what their age."  
            "They do it whether I try or not," Loki pointed out.  "I might as well enjoy it.  As long as they keep their hands to themselves."  Loki shuddered dramatically.  "Do you know how truly and utterly disturbing it is to have a grown woman shove her breasts in your face when she has to get down on her knees to do so?  And even worse when it's Freya?"  
            "Thankfully, no," snickered Heimdall.  "And," he added, "you've at least had your normal form back since you've been here.  I haven't."  
            "It's worse" Loki sighed.  "It happens whenever I almost get used to this body."  
            "...we should try to sleep," said Heimdall belatedly.  
            "Mm," Loki agreed, tilting his head back against the wall above the headboard.  
            Heimdall lay next to Loki and sighed.  "Goodnight."  
            Loki slid down to rest his head on Heimdall's shoulder and went to sleep.  Heimdall closed his eye and went to sleep as well.

_~ End Interlude ~_


End file.
